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Hey, you! Happy to see ya!
This post is going to be a bit different from my standard posts offering tips, tricks, and ideas to add to your everyday life.
Today I’m straying from my typical content and focusing more on building and deepening the connection that I feel to anyone that might stumble across this page.
This post is one that feels somewhat nerve-racking and vulnerable to share. But when I committed to starting this blog, I also committed to being 100% honest and 100% me (hence my decision for the name “Authentically Del”). So, that said, I want to share my story… A story that is so important to me and is a key part of making me to who I am today.
So here is my real, raw, and authentic truth.
For so long, I felt that my story was one that should be kept secret, hushed and hidden from the world outside of my immediate family. Yet, here I am choosing to share it with the whoever takes the time to listen.
I have decided that my story is not one that deserves shame. My story, just like yours, is what makes me who I am. My story has given me lessons. My story has given me strength. My story has broken me down entirely and allowed me to rebuild myself from scratch. My story is my authentic truth, and I refuse to let that be silenced or feel ashamed of things that have built the person I am.
As I write this today, I am actively battling anxiety, depression, and pursuing recovery from anorexia nervosa, a restrictive eating disorder that sent me to the hospital just last year.
In April of 2019, after months of food restriction and over-exercise, my body had had enough, and I landed myself in Children’s hospital for a week. As a senior in high school, this felt like the absolute worst thing that could’ve ever happened to me. Rather than prepping for AP tests, picking up my cap and gown, and attending my senior prom like all of my classmates, my butt was stuck in a hospital bed, hooked up to heart monitors, getting vitals checked on the hour.
This hospital stay was absolutely miserable and, to this day, was one of the lowest points of my entire life. However, it offered me a finite way to mark the beginning of my eating disorder recovery journey. Regardless of anything that came after, my hospital stay was a rip-the-Band-Aid, slap-in-the-face reality check.
I could no longer pretend that my “healthy eating” and obsessive workouts were actually for the sake of “health”. From this point on, I had to be held accountable– by family, by doctors, by friends, and by myself. And if nothing else, because of that, I truly believe that hospital stay saved my life.
I know, I know. I’m rambling like always.
Stay with me here… I’ll get to the point, I promise. 😉
After the hospital, life was still anything but easy. Contrary to what you might think, my eating habits only grew more restrictive and my mental health tanked to even worse levels than it was prior.
Doctors appointments, therapy visits, and Skype chats with my nutritionist filled almost every day of my week. My disorder seemed to consume all moments of my life. When I wasn’t being checked out medically, I was fighting back the tears and immense anxiety doing the main thing I needed to do to heal—EAT.
I still struggle mentally, battling anxiety, depression, and my eating disorder daily. Heck, sometimes my entire day still feels consumed by my disorder. Eating is still difficult. Staying on top of my mental health is still difficult. Not being able to move and exercise in the ways I want to is still difficult. All of it is still difficult at times.
Yet, here I am, putting one foot in front of the other, waking up each day knowing there’s a battle in front of me but continuing to work my way to a life free from this, step-by-step and day-by-day.
When I initially began starting a blog, I wanted it to be solely based on my recovery—the process, the journey, the battles, the victories, the emotions, etc. But, now, over a year and a half into my recovery, I do not want that to be the entirety of this page. There is so much more to my life… there is so much good in my life. I want to focus on those things instead.
Overall, I want Authentically Del to be exactly what the name suggests… a place where I can be authentic about every piece of my life.
This might give some insight into why Authentically Del means so much to me. This page isn’t just a blog or a hobby. To me, Authentically Del offers me hope. It offers me an outlet and a distraction. It allows me to explore new topics and fuel my passions. It encourages my dream for a life outside of all of this… free from the world of mental illness that I have felt so deeply entrenched in for too long now. I am beyond excited and hopeful for that opportunity and wherever Authentically Del may lead me.
My story, the story that I for so long felt embarrassed by, is one that I refuse to be ashamed of or fall victim to anymore. I am not a victim. I am a fighter— a fighter that only continues to get stronger with each passing day. And I am here to share those days with you.
I want to thank YOU for joining me on this journey!💗
It truly means more to me than you could ever understand to have a growing community of support around me.
I also want you to know that if you ever need someone to listen or talk to…
I am here.
Trust me, I know firsthand how lonely and overwhelming life can feel. Sometimes all you need is someone to remind you that they care.
With me, you are never alone.
I can’t wait to dive into more of my life with you all…. (and I promise, my posts won’t all be this deep😉).
Much love to you, always.💕