12 Surprising Things That Hold You Back in Life

Have you ever been stuck in what feels like a never-ending cycle of spinning your wheels but getting nowhere? There’s likely a good reason for this. Many of us are guilty of doing small, subtle things that hold us back in life. Without even realizing it, you may be the one standing in your own way on your journey to success.

When we’re not seeing the results or progress that we want to be seeing, it’s easy to blame outside circumstances. Other people, our environment, our financial situation, our circumstances… we look to those things as a way to pass the blame for why we’re not achieving our goals or seeing success.

In reality, YOU are the #1 thing that holds you back from success.

Yes, it is true that there are outside circumstances that are out of our control. Those can definitely impact your goals and your journey to them. But, if we’re honest, the main determining factor for your life is YOU. You are in the driver’s seat.

This may be difficult to hear. Understanding that you are likely the reason you’re not where you want to be can feel defeating. But, try to shift that perspective. This means that you are also the one that holds the key to your success. You have the power here. That means you have great potential to achieve everything you want in life.

In order to do that, you have to uncover and address the things that hold you back. Typically, we fall into these habits for so long that we don’t even realize their impact anymore. We may be self-sabotaging without even realizing it.

Hopefully, this post can help you realize exactly what is standing in your way and how you can overcome what holds you back in life.

12 Everyday Things That Are Holding You Back in Life

These are 12 of the most common everyday habits that are holding you back from the life you want to be living. Acknowledging them is the first step in overcoming.

1. People Pleasing

Hard truth: you will never make everyone happy.

If you are a people-pleaser like me, you may do everything in your power to make those around you happy… even if it sacrifices your own happiness.

As you can see, this can quickly become self-destructive and greatly hold you back from what you actually want for your life.

Valuing the opinions of others can be helpful, don’t get me wrong. In fact, before making most major decisions, I do consult with those closest to me.

This becomes an issue when you value everyone’s opinion OR value someone else’s opinion above your own. Let’s break this down a bit.

If you value everyone’s opinion, you are setting yourself up for failure. If we’re honest, it is simply impossible to please everyone – even if we wish we could. When you place value in everyone’s opinion, you will have a million contradicting views, thoughts, and feelings in your mind. This can lead you to feel torn and never know the “right” thing to do. In turn, this keeps you stuck in life and ultimately holds you back from moving forward.

Secondly, if you value others’ opinions above your own, you will never fully get to the life YOU want to be living. If you know what you want in your gut, you need to listen to your own voice. Following your heart, even if it goes against what some people believe, is going to be way more fulfilling than trying to please others.

After all, this is YOUR life. Do not live it for others.

2. Fear

Fear is one of the main things that hold you back in life. It is incredibly common.

In fact, we all feel fear to some extent. Fear is a natural human emotion, especially when you are approaching big changes in life. The unknown scares us all to some degree. But, it only becomes detrimental to your growth when you let the fear hold you back.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

Franklin d. roosevelt

If fear is a driving factor in our decisions, we will stay complacent forever. Some of the biggest phases of growth in life are the scariest ones.

For example, quitting a job, moving across the country, or going on a first date are all things that may bring up some fear. But they are also all things that could completely change your life – for the better.

Growth requires taking risks and overcoming fear. Otherwise, you may live a life of complacency or mediocrity determined by fears.

3. Excuses

Excuses have to power to hold you back from your full potential. One of the main reasons that goals fail is excuses.

Reality Check: If you want to see your life progress forward, you have to STOP MAKING EXCUSES.

We’ve all done it and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it is important to acknowledge and work on if you are wanting to see growth in your life.

Most of the time, excuses are a result of laziness. Let’s be honest. It’s easier to make up a million excuses for why you can’t do something uncomfortable than to actually do it – especially if it’s something that scares us. (Remember how we talked about fear holding us back?)

This includes playing the blame game.

Blaming outside people or circumstances for your stagnancy is another form of excuse-making… and it will hold you back from making progress every time. Part of pursuing growth and achieving new things is holding yourself accountable and dropping the excuses for good.

4. Lack of Self-Care

Let’s talk about burnout.

It happens to us all and, at its core, is a message to us that we are not caring for ourselves the way we need to be. Burnout occurs after a prolonged period of stress, feeling overworked, and a lack of rest.

It can be easy to fall into the trap of toxic productivity. Essentially, this is when we fall into the trap of thinking that we need to be productive and on the go all the time in order to reach our goals.

What we don’t always see is how too much productivity can actually be the thing holding you back from making progress.

Taking time to rest is sometimes the most productive thing you can do. If you feel that you have been overworking yourself and hit a plateau, consider taking a day to reset, having a self-care night, or incorporating a bit of self-care into your everyday life.

I’m willing to bet that if you are experiencing burnout, you are suffering from a lack of self-care and rest. Taking some time to unwind can help get you back on track and release you from the thing that is holding you back – burnout.

5. Not Having Clear Goals

Goal setting can play a huge role in your success and growth. Setting clear goals can benefit you and help make you more likely to achieve the things you want in life.

Some benefits of goal-setting include:

All of these goal benefits (and more) are why setting clear goals is so helpful for self-improvement or continued growth. Not having these goals as a driving factor and motivator may be one of the things holding you back.

{RELATED POST: New Month, New Goals | Goal Ideas for the Start of the Month}

It is also important to set the right kind of goals. Learning the art of setting SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Timely) can help you set the right goals to set you up for success.

If you don’t have goals set for yourself yet, take time today to set some.

6. Negativity

Negativity may be completely squashing any chance you have at growing yourself as a person. In all areas of your life (work, home, relationships, etc.), negativity can hold you back from taking any steps forward.

In addition to being a total mood-killer, negativity translates into stress in our bodies and depletes us of happiness, motivation, and ultimately damages our health. Overall, if you are trying to progress your life in any way, shifting to a more positive outlook will greatly benefit you.

Learning how to become a more positive person takes focus at the beginning but, over time, you will naturally find yourself having a more positive outlook.

Positivity is like a muscle. You have to practice using it and build it up until it becomes stronger and kicks in more naturally. Consider practicing gratitude daily or making a list of things that make you happy. Small shifts like this can add up and make you feel more positive overall.

7. Self-Doubt & Imposter Syndrome

Self-doubt is kind of like fear… if you always listen to the small voice in your mind telling you why you shouldn’t do something, you will never take any steps forward.

Imposter syndrome is something I have struggled with in school, work, and my personal life. Essentially, imposter syndrome is an intense form of self-doubt. If you find yourself feeling like you are not worthy, good, or qualified enough to be in your position, this is imposter syndrome. A 2019 study found that up to 82% of people have reported feeling like this at some point.

Thoughts like “I don’t belong here” or “everyone else is more qualified/deserving to be here” are really common with imposter syndrome. These thoughts of self-doubt and self-deprecation may be what is holding you back from the things you want in life.

If you keep telling yourself that you are not good/talented/smart/worthy/etc. enough for the things you want, you are not likely to push yourself to achieve them. Studies have linked imposter syndrome to decreased work performance and satisfaction, while increasing feelings of overwhelm, burnout, anxiety, and depression.

Getting caught in this vicious cycle may be one of the things that hold you back in your life. Not to mention, these thoughts lead to an increase in negative feelings and poor self-esteem.

Work on building yourself up. Consider utilizing positive affirmations, challenging your inner critic, surrounding yourself with people who uplift you, and focusing on your strengths.

Believe you are worthy and you are halfway there.

8. Avoiding Past Issues

In order to move forward in life, you have to face the past head-on. We all have dealt with struggles, hold-ups, or damaging situations in our past. I believe that no one makes it out of life without some sort of pain or struggle. But I also believe that facing those things is what builds the strength to grow.

You may need to ask yourself if the things that hold you back from growth are related to past struggles that you have never fully addressed.

As a coping mechanism, many people avoid facing their past and instead push it under the rug, hoping to just move on. While that may work for a little while, most of the time you are better off addressing the issue – even if that feels more painful in the moment.

Let me offer a personal example here. I know that I was torn down a lot by an adult during my childhood foundational years. A few years ago, I was noticing that my extreme perfectionism and inner critic were preventing me from trying new things, taking opportunities, and growing as a person. By doing some deep self-reflection, I realized that this was a result of my childhood insecurities that I never worked on.

Your past may be filled with similar experiences that present as insecurities like my own, or you may be facing something entirely different.

The point here is that the best way to grow and overcome the things that hold you back is to face them. Consider seeking therapy or pursuing journaling. Roll up your sleeves and do the deep internal work. It will be worth it in the long run.

9. Waiting for the “Right Time”

Another hard reality to face: if you are waiting “right time” to do something, you might be waiting forever.

In most cases, it will never feel like it’s 100% the “right time” to do something. The hope that there will be this magical moment where everything will feel easy and natural is not likely to come true. As much as we wish it worked that way, it just doesn’t.

Oftentimes, you have to make it be the “right time”. I absolutely love this article by Brianna Wiest where she states that “the timing becomes ‘right’ when you are ready for it to be”.

Wow. How true is that?

Life does not send you a personal invitation to chase your dreams. YOU have to do it for yourself.

There may never be the perfect time to start a new job, get married, start a family, move across the world, get healthier, etc. The right time comes whenever you make it come.

This may seem defeating if you are someone who wants the timing to feel perfect before you begin something. However, try to view this as empowering and liberating. You no longer have to wait on the universe to give you the signal that the timing is right. Instead, you can know that you hold all the power to make something happen when you want it to.

Do not let the timing of something be the thing that holds you back. That time comes when you decide to show up for yourself.

10. Quitting Too Easily

A study focused on New Year’s Resolutions found that 43% of people quit after just one month. Yup, you read that right. By February, 43% of people had already quit their goals for the year.

This information can give us some great insights into why so many of us feel stuck in a never-ending cycle of setting goals, giving up, and then setting them again.

Many people have unrealistic expectations for themselves and their goals. Reality check – not everything is going to be smooth sailing when you are working towards a new goal.

You need to learn how to overcome those obstacles rather than seeing them as a reason to quit. Quitting is one of the things that will hold you back from ever making any progress.

If something goes wrong, adjust and refocus. Do not quit.

11. Inauthenticity

Authenticity is hugely important to me (hence the blog name…).

Showing up as yourself is a key part of building a life that feels fulfilling to you. As a kid, we start out fiercely authentic in who we are. Over time, many things can interrupt our authenticity. Fear, insecurity, social pressures, people-pleasing, and other social and personal factors can shift us away from our authentic selves as we grow up. It is really such a shame.

If you think about it, it makes complete sense why authenticity is so crucial in taking steps forward in life. When you are unable to be 100% yourself, you can’t expect yourself to know which direction to grow in. This can be one of the things that hold you back in life and can quickly lead to feelings of unfulfillment and unhappiness.

Instead, imagine a life where you never outgrew the fierce authenticity you were born with. If you had a dream, you chased it. When you wanted something, you went after it. You were able to follow your gut and listen to your heart as a tool for guiding you where you’re meant to be.

Imagine all you could do as an adult if you would embrace your authentic self unapologetically.

Allow that to be a goal for yourself. Get in touch with your authentic self – your passions, desires, emotions, and characteristics. Free yourself from the idea of who you “should” be. That is simply something that holds you back from complete happiness and fulfillment.

12. Surrounding Yourself with Complacency

Have you ever heard the quote “you are the sum of who you surround yourself with“.

In many ways, I do agree with this. While you are still your own individual person, the people around you absolutely affect the choices you make and the habits you develop. The people and energies you surround yourself with directly affect your own potential.

With that, it is important to surround yourself with people who align with the life you are trying to create for yourself. If you are pursuing self-growth, you should surround yourself with people who are also driven to better themselves.

Let’s put this into context.

Say you have a goal of getting into grad school, yet you surround yourself with people who go out to party every single night and do not care about their grades or school. In order to achieve your personal goal of grad school, you will likely need to dedicate your time and energy to school and studying. If the people around you deter you from that, they may be holding you back.

Or let’s look at an entirely different situation.

Say you are tired of dieting and feeling poorly about your body. However, your friend group is always in and out of new diets and always speaks poorly about themselves. That energy is going to manifest in you and make your goals very difficult to achieve.

Do you see how much the people around you can impact your life?

The people in your circle may be fun to be around, but it is possible that they are some of the things that hold you back from the life you are working to create for yourself.

This is not always the case, but it is worth evaluating. Take an objective look at your social circle. Are the people in your life motivating you and pushing you towards self-growth? Or are they fostering a life of complacency and stagnancy that is ultimately holding you back from reaching your highest potential?

What holds you back?

These are 12 of the most common things that hold you back in life. At its core, it feels that nearly every hindrance in life can be connected to one of these 12 hold-ups.

Which one resonated with you the most? How do you plan to overcome it?

You got this! I believe in you. You CAN overcome all the things holding you back from the life you dream of!

---

MORE POSTS YOU’LL LOVE

10 Tips to Stop Making Excuses

101 Goals for 1001 Days

22-Step Reset Day to Feel Refreshed